My mother warned me not to cut our newborn’s nails – we’re supposed to bite them with our teeth. Evidently, everyone in Ironton, Ohio knows babies grow up to be thieves if you do. But Google found the opposite to be true across the river in Kentucky, where common convictions hold that a baby’s finger …
Author: Richard Aaron Wright
Richard Aaron Wright balances his life as a digital media producer and a father.
Poo alert: Play-Doh Fun Factory is grossing us out
“Look a shooting star! Make a hose … no it’s a snake!” Increasingly, the Play-Doh Fun Factory has become suburban slang for more than just the Station Wagon Generation. It’s gross, it’s unseemly, it’s an image we can’t get out of our heads. UrbanDictionary.com has even defined Play-Doh poop, corroborated by a number of Youtube videos …
Can I give my baby bourbon?
Yes! You’ve already been giving your children alcohol in the fruits they eat – you just didn’t know it. A trace amount of alcohol can help sooth sore gums for teething infants, so don’t be fooled into buying an over-the-counter product that merely replaces Jim Beam with their own hooch. Anbesol has 70% alcohol, which …
Should kids play naked or not?
In response to recent reports of parents spending thousands on kiddie couture, the bumpkins of summer are shedding their clothes in protest. It’s one thing to gussy up the kids for the sabbath, teaching them the times and places for sitting up straight and minding Ps and Qs. But summer’s nearly here and kids everywhere …
The unmaterialistic baby
Children recognize the difference between good and bad before they discern between new and old. Quite often the favorite toy in the room is not new at all, but the one that provides amusement in a way those others cannot. Siblings, especially, know the good toy by the demand it creates and the status that …
My child got arrested on an airplane
The newspaper headline read that a child was arrested in mid-air for ill behavior. The undercover TSA agent had watched the carnival of romp unfold, the bumpkin’s initial tapping turned to banging on the seat front, then a thrown can of Coke and finally a sudden and aggressive lunge at the friendly man across the …
The Station Wagon Generation
For the station wagon generation, it’s with sympathy that we straightjacket children in armored pods. We ply them with iPads to makeup for this forced imprisonment, and we stop at McDonalds playgrounds every two hours. Gone are the days of wood paneled station wagons with a mattress thrown in the rear for kids to romp …
Bumpkins of India
Traveling to India can only be described as otherworldly. There is something both objectionable and illuminating within each of the more than 1000 photos taken during my visit there in 2010. The profound cultural differences became obvious from the moment I felt the taxi speed away from the airport to a hostel in Old Delhi. …
Why fundraisers keep kids out of trouble
My soccer team sold carnations dyed with green food coloring while Hootie and the Blowfish played Hold My Hand in the rain. Rather than trying to score beer or girls, our St. Patrick’s Day had a purpose. It was our junior year of high school and the flowers were part of a larger fundraising campaign …
Brainwashing your child to not like sucky music
Boy Band or Acid Rock? Fife and Drum or Contemporary Christian? Jam band or Rap? It’s a risky business that music executives know all too well. Leave your child to his or her own device and they’ll be molded by commercial culture and what they perceive “cool” by the crap they learn at school and …
How to keep your baby asleep with breast implants
Here’s a trick that men are woefully inadequate in supplying – a soft breast for your baby’s head. ENTER PILLOWS! Babies naturally want to feel that place of comfort that they know will give them both nurturing and sustenance. By wedging a pillow in just the right spot, your sleeping baby will be lulled into …
Benadryl babies are better on Airplanes
Parents of restless children on airplanes are doing the unthinkable – enjoying their flights! “Benadryl can be helpful when you are taking young children on a plane,” says Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block, and The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep: Simple Solutions for Kids from Birth to 5 Years …
Don’t criticize your Muslim neighbor – babysit swap
While some parents may see a cultural difference living in the house next door, the bumpkin sees his babysitters. A recent blog post by the wife of a Baptist pastor, Tyanne Perry, criticized her Muslim neighbor “for dirty hands, herb-stained teeth, and the waft of South Asian cuisine …. They have rules they must follow, …
How could anybody call that science?
We recently received a picture of Brandon B Brandon via Facebook. There was no clever joke or ulterior motive – just a cute kid holding a sign asking everyone to spread his image as far and wide as possible in five days. We think it’s a cockeyed project that’s got nothing to do with science. …
How to give a baby a bath
New parents are inundated with the idea they need lots of hardware to ensure the safety of their child. This is especially true in the bathroom, and bathing seems a favorite topic at baby showers, perhaps because adoring family and friends remember the bath time ritual as one of the better parts of parenthood. But …
Why an old-timer thinks about breastfeeding
You won’t believe what this old man thinks about breastfeeding. Nonetheless, the decision comes down to what is best for the parents and the child. There are too many folks who think it’ll be the end of the world if their baby isn’t breastfed. That stigma is unfortunate. In the 1970s, nearly 75% of American …
Baby Mum-Mums are awesome and a rip-off
Baby Mum-Mums represent both the best and the worst thing about being a parent in the modern world. The little packages are convenient, the crackers are benign, babies love them, and they function as an excellent babysitter when you want to do other things. While the little one munches away on the cracker, the only …
Milkbones for babies
You won’t believe how messy eating can be until you see this video. Most parents will discover the joys and pains of baby biscuits during their children’s teething phase. The particular brand we use are somewhere between nasty and miraculous. These instruments of diversion and tools for teething relief keep babies contented for a few …
Can I have sex in front of my kids?
We’re not talking about circus sex theater in front of the kids, but the fact remains there is no proof that intimacy in front of children will scar them for life. Our modern puritanism continues to feed off a Victorian sensibility that the display of nudity and sex around children will confuse them and turn …
Crying baby, sleeping spouse
A benefit in marriage or a committed relationship is the implied responsibility for both to share the burdens. Women have traditionally relied on formalized bondage in marriage to trap men into contributing to child rearing. Today, men have demonstrated they still do less of the child watching and tending than women, and they often defend …