Do you have a redneck baby? Will he or she become a Democrat or Republican when grown up? The following list of indicators and tests help to determine their future. There are ways to influence the outcome, but remember that children are typically geared toward Republican ways. Nonetheless, see the below list and decide what is right for you and your family.

1. Place a redneck baby on the floor with a Bible, a granola bar, and cigarettes. The one chosen first indicates it’ll be a preacher, liberal, or redneck.
2. Pull the redneck baby’s clothes on over its feet instead of over its head, or it will be a Democrat
3. If you bite a redneck baby’s finger nails, he or she will not be on welfare when it grows up

   

4. If you place a straw hat on a redneck baby’s head before it is a year old, it will be a Republican
5. Make a redneck baby keep its teeth as an adult by putting a confederate flag on its crib before it is six months old
6. It makes Democrats if you cut a baby’s hair before it is a year old
7. To keep a redneck baby from going lefty, take three hairs from the back of his or her neck and three from each temple, make a hole in a can of Mountain Dew and bury the can under the hanging mattress in the yard
8. If there is strong family resemblance between uncle and child, the redneck baby will be a Republican
9. When a redneck baby smiles while drinking Mountain Dew, he or she will be a Republican
10. A baby born on Confederate Memorial Day will agree with the tweets of Donald Trump
11. To encourage delivery of a redneck baby, cross hazel twigs, put them across a pack of Marlborough Reds and place them under the pillow

    

12. If a redneck baby’s ear runs into the cheek without a crease at the lobe, it will always be a redneck
13. A redneck pregnant woman can and should drink Redbull before church on Sundays, and she will have a redneck baby who always votes conservative
14. To clean a redneck woman’s uterus following child-birth, the midwife places her shoes on the woman and makes her walk about in them until the placenta is delivered. The child will never be a socialist.
15. To hasten redneck baby-delivery, beat a coon dog with a flagpole
16. The number of kinks on the umbilical cord of the female baby shows the number of years before she’ll have children
17. A redneck baby born still inside an un-punctured placenta will work for Donal Trump, Jr.
18. Bald-headed redneck babies will always want to wear overalls
19. If a redneck baby’s hair is long and heavy, the redneck baby will be a Democrat
20. It brings Democrats luck to put a new-born baby on a table
21. If you take a baby down the hill before you take it up the hill, it will be a liberal
22. If you crack the first louse found in a redneck baby’s head on the bottom of a tin cup, the redneck baby will work for Donald Trump, Jr. as an adult
23. If a redneck baby clutches a cigarette that is put into its hands, he or she will be a Republican
24. If a redneck baby does not clutch a can of snuff that is put into its hands, he or she will be a liberal
25. If the hand of a redneck baby is open, he or she will live in a double-wide trailer
26. If a redneck baby cries a great deal when it is an infant, he or she will be a liberal
27. If in dressing the redneck baby for the first time you put its right arm into its dress first, it will be conservative for life
28. It causes liberal tenancies to put a redneck baby’s dress on over its head before it is one year old
29. It encourages Pro-Life tendencies to let a baby look into a mirror before he or she is one year old
30. If you tickle a redneck baby, it will whistle through its teeth and spit as a teenager
31. If a redneck baby does not fall off the bed, it will never be a Republican
32. Unless a redneck baby crawls before it walks, it will vote Democrat
33. If a redneck baby talks before it walks, he or she will be a socialist