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Why cursing in front of a child is good

A lot of us moms play video games with our kids and get fired up. Part of that emotion might result in cursing in front of a child.

Our culture is one that inhibits emotions. A generation ago we were taught to speak only when spoken to and hide your emotions under that sleeve. But that’s a lot of baloney. Demonstrating emotion in front of children is healthy and natural. That’s what cursing in front of a child is good – it teaches them that momma is human, too.

Of course, we should qualify when cursing in front of a child is good and when it’s bad. Some curse words are racially charged while others are downright offensive. It is never okay to use some curse words. However, personal expression among piers or by one’s self is a natural and reasonable characteristic – even in children.

The level of alarm dictates the appropriateness of the curse word
Playing video games with my son gives me pause to remember that having older kids has it’s own advantages, too. Where intimacy rules the nest while they’re young, children sometimes distance themselves from parents who fail to interact with them in the ways they find normal. Video games are an extension of the modern child – like it or not. Here is the world where they interact and learn to conquer their inhibitions while dealing with their emotions while polishing their skills.

Someone rear-ends me in a car? That’s cause for an explicative. Someone kills me in a video game – that’s not the time to curse in front of a child.

Why cursing in front of a child is goodSuddenly, you’re sitting there with console and hand and have just won that video game fight. You hear the dreaded work “S@#$ Mom! You killed me!” You are a little taken back at first, but then realize it’s a point to be addressed. How are you going to handle this situation? The reason cursing in front of a child is good has everything to do with the reason that explicative is used – and which one is used.

When is it a curse word?
You can either make the use of curse words a negative experience or one for a positive teaching lesson. I’ll assume you don’t have your head in the sand about the fact most children are going to curse whether you’re around or not. The ideal parenting situation is that they are comfortable testing the boundaries on parents (instead of someone else), so that you can guide them in the proper etiquette and technique for effective expression.

A word is a curse word when it is derogatory in nature, and it is used without premeditation.

Many people believe that cursing is a sign of a limited vocabulary. I believe that if you have a large enough vocabulary that it is possible to find different words to use rather than cursing. The other side of that coin is that many people believe that it is just part of the culture. As parents our kids are going to curse if we want them to or not. It can also be looked at as though they are just other words – but that’s a mistake. Sometimes at the moment, people need to use those words of absolute emotional conviction.

Responsible Cursing
This debate has gone on a long time. Many times the answer to why cursing is wrong is based on the ideal that it is a sin. In addition, another reason that cursing is wrong is because words have power. It is important to know that when our children begin using those words, it also can be hurtful to those that they talk with. Teaching them these points is the first step in teaching responsible cursing.

Pro of Cursing
There are several reasons cursing is okay:

  • Social Bonding – Some people believe cursing can increase the social bonding. When used in a social situation, it can be a sign of openness, that you are easy going, as well as just being fun.
  • Power – Many believe that cursing offers kids power. Through cursing, some individuals will be empowered to react to their situation. It can be seen as being confident and having a high self-esteem.
  • Self-Expression – Cursing can be a way that people can express themselves. It can also be something that some people find important, and that makes them more lively.

Cons of Cursing
There are also several reasons for  why cursing can be bad:

  • Unacceptable to others – Many times cursing can turn conversations into aggressive conversations quickly. Some curse words are racially charged while others are downright offensive. It is never okay to use these words.
  • Bad Self-Expression – Cursing can offer a bad impression, it can endanger relationships, and it can make you unpleasant to be with. Having a bad attitude, or showing your lack of character as well as reflecting ignorance are reasons that one should not curse. Negativity is no way of life.
  • Poor Use of Language – Cursing is not a sign of good language, it can be abrasive and shows a lack of control in expression. Cursing lacks imagination as well as the ability to communicate clearly.
  • Decline of Etiquette – Society looks at cursing as the decline of politeness. It also can offend individuals as well as make others uncomfortable. Children and adults will be left out when they don’t know the rules of etiquette.

As a child I never dared to speak to my parents using curse words, but I used them with friends as a way to look cool. As I got older I realized these social rules were shallow and lacking maturity – about the same time all my friends realized it, too. We grew out of it when we realized we wanted to be adults, to emulate adults.

Having teenagers, I know that they curse. My children are not afraid to curse in front of me. I’m not afraid to call them out on it. They know I would rather them use better adjectives and we work on controlling our outbursts and effective communications.

In contrast, my daughter is five and I am concerned that she will pick up the habit of cursing. For this reason I hold my tongue and also displine my other children to avoid bad self-expression and poor use of language around her.  I want her to learn to be expressive in a positive manner. We can have different standards for age groups. But it is a regimented system, and at some point I’ll accidentally let fly a curse word. When it happens I will use the moment to teach my daughter about cursing. However, I will accept my daughter’s sense of expression as I hope she will learn to accept mine. Together, we can work on the best ways to communicate.

The 4 safety positions for third trimester sex

It’s amazing how many times women turn down sex when they’re pregnant. Of course it’s a valid concern they may hurt the little one, or that pregnant women on bed rest might be over-taxed. But for the majority of women who are pregnant – even within their third trimesters – sex while pregnant can be good for the baby and mommy.

Gynecologists are in agreement that sex during pregnancy – even up until the very end – is safe and normal. The New Health Guide even talks about the joys of getting around that big baby bump: “You can get creative and try positions which put lesser pressure on your bigger bump.”

There are even ways to enhance sex between husband and wife, by taking the opportunity to step outside comfort zones to try new and interesting positions.

Four Safe Sex Positions for Third Trimester Sex

  1. Daddy Sporking – What starts off as spooning and cuddling will often result in the husband promoting his agenda by jabbing his partner in the back. The sexual spork is a form of rear-entry position where one partner lies on one side with knees bent while the man typically enters the partner from behind.
  2. Mommy Doggy Style – Because that baby bump can get too difficult for the woman to lay on her belly, this crouching position – on all fours – is another form of rear-entry positioning that allows for greater control by both partners. In ancient Rome, this practice was known as coitus more ferarum.
  3. Momma on the Mountain - Because pregnant sex can sometimes be painful given the obvious physical changes going on in the woman’s body, a woman finds control by climbing on top of her partner and leaning back or forward (holding his angles or knees if necessary) so that she manages the agenda.
  4. The Sideways Samba Momma – This position is different from spooning in that the woman turns away from her partner with her legs straight out in front at a ninety-degree angle, making an L-shape with her torso. This position is the riskiest of the four because the man maintains most of the control when entering his partner. Cosmo has a good take on it.

Why Pregnant Sex is Good

It is important to remember that while you are pregnant your senses are heightened. In many cases women have a higher sexual desires than before they were pregnant. The orgasms reached while pregnant are higher based on some physiological reasons. Hormones are a lot higher when a woman is pregnant, this increased blood flow as well as increased sensitivity of the genital areas is something to be celebrated and indulged.

One of the greatest things about be pregnant is that you are able to do a lot more. One of the fun things that we are able to enjoy is food and sexual pleasure. Sex was fun before I was pregnant, however after I got pregnant it became far more enjoyable and fun.

Get Your Bump OffAvoids Preterm Labor & Complications – Preterm labor is something that concerns all women. Even though contractions do happen during some women’s orgasms, it is not true that an orgasm can bring on early labor. In fact, there is anecdotal evidence (from my friends) that sex helps optimize the beginning of labor. For instance, when I was in the last weeks of my last pregnancy, I benefited from sexual intercourse by keeping my body optimized and active down there. And once my labor set in, the contractions were increased from sex while circulation of blood and hormones such as serotonin were encouraged.

Sperm is good for women – Sex can help to reduce the risks of complications through pregnancy because of the medicinal qualities sperm is known to have on women, both orally and vaginally. These protective properties offered by sperm also help women to avoid complications that could be life-threatening. For example, pre-eclampsia has been reduced through sex and oral sex.

Reduce Stress – Pregnancy gave me many new aches and pains that I didn’t have before. I thought I was never going to get rid of the backaches or headaches. In my case I tried many traditional and nontraditional medicinal options. However, it wasn’t until it was suggested that I increase sexual intercourse to reduce the stress on my body.

There have been studies suggesting that having stimulation in the genital region can help to increase an individual’s ability to handle pain. After all, sexual arousal is designed to bring pleasure, and that resulted in reducing my pain. The endorphins released during foreplay and after orgasm are similar to those that a runner experiences during a run.

Partner Bonding – One of the important things about pregnancy is to enjoy the time you’re pregnant. One way that you can enjoy pregnancy is through feeling like nothing has changed within your life. Don’t let a lack of sex with your husband create those distant and cold nights and days we all fear. Sex can make the couple feel a bit happier, as well as more stable.

While most women will not have problems from sexing it up during their pregnancy, there are specific issues that may prevent a woman from sexual activity, including if the placenta covers part of the cervix (called “previa”), if the woman experiences vaginal bleeding, or after the water has broken (get thee to the hospital!). Obviously, women should feel empowered to say no to sex if they don’t feel it’s right for them. But women should feel free to indulge their sensual side throughout pregnancy.

The junk food compromise

I went on a change-your-diet-change-your-life kick, limiting all the snack, sweet, fast food, or junk foods from my family’s diet. It was easier for me than you’d think because I was the only one buying groceries. I just didn’t buy it anymore.

Just because something isn’t available doesn’t mean people won’t miss it. I thought everyone would just decide that my way was the best way – then fall in line and eat their fruit without considering the chocolate that still sat on the grocery store shelves.

Boy, was I wrong.

The Junk Food CompromiseMy children are traditional junk foods kids. They use bad foods as their drug. There, I admit it. They have an addiction, so while a physical change in food availability may be real, my children’s emotional change was a different story. I wanted to cut out the junk food for a long time, and I figured cold-turkey was the way to go. We’d become healthier and live happily ever after. A forced change.

But something went horribly wrong early on. Kids are resilient. They’re as wily as those prisoners in old prison movies where cigarettes and nudie magazines are smuggled in from god-knows-where. Due to the intensity of that first week after I banished junk food, my kids cracked and started getting their supply from somewhere else. The difference was that they now felt the need to hide their sweets from me. Smuggling junk food behind my back.

Having them hide things from me made me feel like a horrible mom. My children, until this point, had been communicating with their troubles and joys, freely expressing their passions and longings. I know they kept secrets from me in the past, but never physically hiding things – not to mention hiding upset feelings.

By the second week of smuggling and hiding foods, I realized there would need to be another approach. Parenting 101 for me, I guess, but I finally got to the point where I understood kids have to be educated on the lifestyle change I wanted for them. Force won’t work. By week two I sat them down and went over the following checklist, adapted from author Charity Curley Mathews:

  • Everyone over the age of 2 eats the same meal
  • Mix the vegetables in things to get them to eat vegetables
  • Small portions of the unhealthy stuff, and everyone eats the same amount
  • Less packaged and fast-food
  • Two snacks during the day (no more)
  • We drink water or milk (I added juice on special occasions)

This means that we all had to eat together and choose good foods to eat. Understanding the need for a balance of protein, fruits, vegetables, grains and dairy is where I started.

But guess what? It didn’t work. Well, not all the time anyway. Yes, we failed and we gave in to our kids, giving them junk food occasionally, but now we have a conversation about ideals. It’s important for kids to be educated about the difference.

My decision to reintroduce junk food went wrong at first. But it was the best thing I ever did because they spent the next week eating horrible things. But the conversation finally came back around and I asked everyone to make an effort at the rules.

More and more, the conversations are about eating dinner with the family – their WANTING to eat with the family. They still ate a lot of sweets and junk foods, but they also understood and sought out dinner with healthy foods. I was pleased because little by little they choose to healthy foods. By the next week they weren’t eating any sweets. They were not hiding foods either – at least I hope not!

But the point is that there should be no going “cold turkey” or forcing extreme changes on children without including them in the conversation. By posting shared values and failing at living up to them, we’re finding a realistic compromise the honest compromise. It’s good to have my family working together on their junk food addiction, not hiding it.

Discipline children with respect, not humiliation

With authority over children comes the responsibility to discipline children with respect. Sometimes we all feel a lack of respect for an irrational child with no concept of civility, but parents must remember to respect their children for who they will become, not what they are in the moment. Because many teachers are often the first line of authority for children, sometimes there is a tendency to punish openly and publicly. In a recent classroom situation at a school, a little girl had drawn a picture of a tree house and swing on to her desk. As a result the student was disciplined with a trip to the office, no recess, and she was forced to clean the desk – the teacher also took the student's desk and chair away for the rest of the year. The student completed the school year using a clipboard as a desk and sitting on the floor instead of in a chair. Discipline with respectOf course the girl felt humiliated by the punishment. She was too scared to tell her parents about what the teacher did because she thought her mistake was so horrible she did not deserve the use of a desk any longer. Certainly she remembered the lesson learned, but there was also a great deal of other consequences incurred for the nature of the punishment – including the fact she felt inclined to lie about the punishment as well as never wanting to draw again. Many authority figures discipline with fear, through force, or by punishment. However, this is not discipline by definition.
Discipline is the teaching or training of an individual to accomplish a goal.
The education of self-reliance, self-control and respect for themselves and others is taught to our children through discipline. Finding safe and humane ways of teaching our children is the difference between them offering respect and demanding respect. How to discipline children with respect Every parent should display and promote a rigid list of rules, and the consequences for breaking these rules. Parents should also have known tiers of severity for the consequences – from minor offenses to the most severe. By disclosing these rules and consequences in advance we are creating environments that are not going to sabotage our children with unknown or unexpected situations that result from their careless or overt acts. Then, enforce discipline with clarity, consistency and caring. Read more